A User's Guide to DR REID
by Samiferal
Summary: Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a DR. REID! When all else fails, you have to read the instructions - this little handbook tells you everything you need to know. Plus the package includes a free Derek Morgan plushie. Unecht  series part 1.


**Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a DR. REID!**

**Thanks for choosing an Unecht® product.**

Your new DR. REID will be a loyal companion to you, and he will help you in every possible situation of your day-to-day life. Never be bored again with the amazing new DR. REID!

What your new DR. REID will do for you:

1. Talk any murderers or rapists into submission and thusly save you from them

2. Do your homework for you (every subject)

3. Drink coffee with you

4. Do drugs with you

5. Talk about books and every possible science with you

6. Provide you with any statistics you need, wherever and whenever you need them

7. Win a lot of money for you in Vegas

8. Play Scrabble with you

9. Explain fancy words to you

10. Positively identify people that suffer from schizophrenia or multiple personalities

11. Give you a pep talk (because his life is so much more painful than yours)

12. Recite every word that was ever spoken on Star Trek for you

****Your DR. REID can learn an infinite number of new activities and phrases. You can create your own individual DR. REID by teaching him special abilities like using guns, talking to women or even eating with chopsticks.****

Your DR. REID package includes the following extras:

1. The famous leather bag (two bottles of Dilaudid included)

2. A hairdresser set to change your DR. REID's hairstyles

3. A Derek Morgan plushie

4. A coffee machine (with a five year's supply of coffee)

5. Earplugs in case the rambling gets too annoying

6. Several sets of shirts, sweater vests and ties with rather horrible patterns

First Steps

Your DR. REID will come in a special cardboard box. Once he is unwrapped, all functions will be activated automatically, and you do not have to do anything further.

DR. REID will react to almost every possible spoken command. Begin by telling him a fixed time to go to bed and to get up, otherwise he will not sleep and consume unhealthy amounts of caffeine instead.

Inform DR. REID about your work or school times. It could also be useful to give him a vague idea about what interests you, so he can focus his independent learning on these areas.

Now, you can start teaching your DR. REID new abilities. If you tell your DR. REID to remember something, he will immediately do so and never forget what it was. This works for phrases and words as well as physical abilities. (But the learning process will be decidedly quicker with words and phrases.)

Your DR. REID does not need to eat like you do; he can survive on coffee alone.

Rambling

If your DR. REID gets too fascinating with something, it is almost inevitable that he will start to give you a lecture on it, including every related subject or fact. If this happens, you have about 30 seconds to tell him to stop. If you react too slowly, he will shut off all auditory input systems and ignore you until he is finished.

In this case (unless you think his rambling is interesting), we recommend you to leave the room or use the special earplugs included in the set. A DR. REID lecture can take up to 20 minutes, since he will simply talk about everything even vaguely related to a subject.

FAQ

Q: "What is the purpose of the Derek Morgan plushie?"

A: If you know, you know. If you don't, you better start shipping the right pairings. (Or you could just cuddle it yourself.)

Q: "Is my DR. REID able to make friends and socialise with other Unecht® products?"

A: All Unecht® products can interact with each other without further programming. However, they will not all like each other. You should consult our online customer service when planning to purchase another product.

Q: "Can I drink the coffee from the special DR. REID coffee machine?"

A: It is suitable to humans of average intelligence. However, we recommend you to never drink more than one cup if you ever wish to sleep again.

Q: "Is that real Dilaudid?"

A: Of course it is!

Q: "Isn't that illegal?"

A: No. Not at all.


End file.
